Wacky Wonky Wabbijack Women
by Wolf-Shadow's-Ghost
Summary: The marvelously magical Merida and her wife, the magnificently magnanimous Mjoll, awake in awkwardly abnormal anatomies. FemDragonBorn/Mjoll the Lioness, Femslash Bodyswap oneshot.


Femslash Challenge Day 2

Wacky Wonky Wabbijack Women  
World: Skyrim  
Prompt: Body Swap  
Characters: Merida the Breton Dragonborn, Mjoll the Lioness, Iona the Housecarl  
Relationship: FemDragonborn/Mjoll The Lioness

Summary: The marvelously magical Merida and her wife, the magnificently magnanimous Mjoll, awake in awkwardly abnormal anatomies. FemDragonBorn/Mjoll the Lioness, Bodyswap fic.

* * *

Something was off.

She knew it the second consciousness wormed it's warily way through her mind; she just didn't know _what_ was off.

Squirming slightly in bed and feeling the warm sheets ghost over the pleasurable little aches in her body, Merida sighed and furrowed her brow, trying to pin point the feeling of wrongness.

Groggily, she opened one eye and in the dim light and spotted the lump of blankets that covered the other body in the bed.

Well, Mjoll was still with her, so that wasn't it.

Though it was strange that the nord had hogged the blankets, that was normally what Merida did, the cold Skyrim nights nearly unbearable to her thin Breton skin. With a slight jolt, she realized that she only had a single sheet pulled taught over her hips and legs. She was bare from the waist up, completely exposed in all her nude glory, and not the slightest bit cold.

Okay, that was strange. She would normally be shivering, frozen from the inside and out, waking up just long enough to hog more of the covers and bury herself further into Mjoll's blazing nord skin. Now?

Now she was pleasantly comfortable, even though the icy wind from the lake slammed into the side of Honeyside, and the fire had burned down to ash.

Fully awake and starting to feel very uneasy, Merida rolled over and sat up, barley wincing when her bare feet hit the cold floor. Forgoing her slippers, she stood up and nearly fell back, her journey from the bed to her full height much longer than usual and her own weight throwing her completely off balance.

Barely catching herself in time, Merida stilled and breathed harshly for a moment, the quick panic sending cold adrenaline through her body and highlighting the strange aches and strains in her muscles, how heavy her whole body felt, long and awkward.

Slightly afraid now, Merida turned and padded towards the nightstand and the full length mirror next to it.

It was too dark to see any part of her reflection but a blurred silhouette, a silhouette that was much too tall.

Come to think of it, everything in the room seemed smaller than it should have, and in a sudden wave of panic, Merida reached for her magic to light the wall sconces.

She came up with nothing.

No Well of Will ready to harness and transmute into spells, no connection to the weave of the world energy, not even the barest flicker of fire to her finger tips.

Raw panic scorched through her and she lunged for the nightstand, her fingers fumbling on the drawer handle and scrambling for the flint to light the candlestick.

Managing to scratch and burn her hands several times before lighting the wick, Merida cursed as she snatched up the candle and turned toward the mirror.

And promptly dropped it to the floor, far too preoccupied with shrieking in horror.

The bundle on the bed jerked wildly and fell to the ground with a painful crash, sheets tangled in flailing limbs.

Merida ignored the muffled curses and quickly stooped to grab the still-lit candle before it caught the rug on fire, then slowly rose back up again, dreading to confirm what she had though she saw.

"Merida!" Mjoll's voice called from the floor, accent think with panic and the sound of tearing sheets punctuating her words.

Numb with shock and frozen to the spot, Merida tore her horrified gaze from the mirror and looked over to the bed, just in time to see a nude body rise awkwardly from a tangle of white cloth.

A small body with short, flaming red hair, slim build, and magic kissed skin.

Her body.

Her body which froze upon seeing her, bright blue eyes wide and horrified.

"What? How? Who are you, where is Merida?!"

Her own body with her wife's accent.

"Mjoll?" she squeaked out, her tongue felt thick and heavy in her mouth.

She, herself? Mjoll? Stilled and narrowed those familiar yet normally unseen eyes.

"Merida? Is that you?" Mjoll drug herself up and padded around the end of the bed cautiously, looking her up and down.

"Why do you look like me?" Mjoll stopped a few foot shy of touching her, small face furrowed in confusion. "Is this another spell, love? Why were you yelling?"

Merida mouthed silently at her, stunned that she couldn't see, that she hadn't _felt…_

Finding no way to form words, she simply stepped silently aside and pointed at the mirror.

It was beyond strange to see Mjoll's I'm-confused-but-I'll-trust-you look on her own face, stranger still to watch that body, containing her _wife, _move to stand in front of the mirror.

Mjoll turned from her to the mirror, blinked, leaned closer with narrow eyes, blinked again, and then whirled back to Merida with panic etched across every inch of her face.

"WHY DO I LOOK LIKE YOU?!" Mjoll's thick Nordic accent was strange in Merida's high –and currently shrill- tones.

"I Dinna know!" Merida finally found words, her own old High Rock accent rumbling like rocks in deep water in Mjoll deep voice. "I was jus' sleepen, an when I wooke I looked," she gestured frantically down at her, Mjoll's, (Divines this was confusing) body "like ye!"

Mjoll turned back to the mirror and her hands came up to paw at her face, pulling and twisting the skin at painful angles. "Is this real? Or is this an illusion?"

"I dinna think it's an illusion spell," Merida replied slowly, turning over the hand not holding the candle and studying it closely. "If we jus' _looked _like each other I'd still hav' my magic, but its jus' gone." A though struck her, "Do ye hav' magic now? Can ye feel it?"

They watched each other in the mirror, still prodding and poking at their changed appearances. Mjoll's face wrinkled in concentration for a moment and then shook her head in frustration.

"I have no idea. How do you even use magic?" Mjoll looked down at her palms and flexed her fingers, a motion Merida often used while casting magic –she felt a flash of embarrassment that the motion was really just a nervous sort of twitch, not that her wife appeared to know that-.

Merida blinked rapidly, glancing down at Mjoll. "I… huh, I dinna really know how t'explain." She tried recalling her early lessons, remembering being a child as young as four sitting at her mother's feet and learning to cast a simple mage light. "Ye jus'… feel the magic in ye and focus it into a spell."

Looking unconvinced and wary, Mjoll cupped her hands and stared down at them intently. Merida loomed over her shoulder and watched–she was starting to see the advantages of her nord wife's height-, hoping that if Mjoll did have magic, she wouldn't accidentally set the house on fire.

After a long moment Mjoll's palms started to shimmer white-

"My thane!?"

And then exploded in a brilliant flash of light.

Merida yelped and threw one thick arm over her eyes, managing to keep a hold of the candle even as she stumbled back into the dresser.

There was a small but painful 'thump', which she assumed was Mjoll falling to the floor in shock, and a tumultuous thundering from the stairs.

"I heard shouting, what's- Oh!"

Merida lowered her arm away from her eyes,- a thing that took much longer than normal, Mjoll's muscles were huge! She'd admired them in battle and in bed, but seeing them from this angle was a whole new level of amazement- and blinked rapidly in an attempted to chase away the black spots in her vision.

"I'm so sorry, my thane, lady Mjoll," Merida could vaguely make out the outline of a scarcely dressed Iona at the top of the stairs, sword in hand, her back to them. "- I heard yelling, and not the usual type of yelling, and I feared intruders, or worse."

It was only then that she remembered that she was naked.

Well, her wife's body was naked, but she was currently _in _that body, so it was still somewhat mortifying.

Still blinking rapidly, she whipped open the dresser and drug out, something, and then grabbed a second something after remembering Mjoll, who was still curled up on the floor and groaning.

"It's fine, Iona," she set the candle on the night stand and threw the saber cat skin coat over her shoulders, then knelt to check on her dazed wife, "ye jus', caught us a little off guard is all,"

She glanced back to see Iona, her face and ears bright red, staring over her shoulder at them with her mouth slightly agape.

"Mjoll?" the housecarl asked tentatively.

"Yes?" Mjoll said through a pained hiss, small hands combing Merida's thick red hair away from her face, Merida quickly handed her the overlarge tunic she had grabbed from the dresser.

"Merida?"

She glanced back with an uncertain frown. "Um, I'm here. Somehow we got switched, I think."

"So we did switch bodies? We don't just look like each other?" Mjoll was slowly pulling on the robe, a resignedly confused look on her face.

"No, an illusion spell wouldn't hide or create magic ability, since I've got no magic and ye do, we've well and truly switched."

"H-How?" Iona apparently felt comfortable enough with their half dressed state to take a few cautions steps closer, glancing between the two of them as she went.

"That's what I'd like 'ta know." Merida stood and offered a hand to Mjoll, who yelped when she was hauled up so quickly that she stumbled forward and collided into Merida. "Whoops, sorry love, cann'it figure out your streath jus' yet."

Mjoll muttered something about not being used to being so tiny, but Merida was focused on something half tangled in the single sheet left on the bed, something long, steel grey and faintly glimmering.

"Oh no." She groaned as she reached out and untangled the staff, the three mad heads of the Wabbijack glistening a faint red in the candle light. "Oh no, _oh_ no."

Mjoll moved closer, one hand still rubbing the back of her head. "Is that the-"

"Staff of Sheogroath, Deadric Prince of Madness? The wild and wily Wabbijack? Yes."

"The one I told you _not _to hang above our bed?" the dry deliverance of the sentence was much closer to Merida's normal tone than Mjoll had yet managed so far, though the accent was still wrong.

"The very same."

"Wait, so that staff cast a spell that made you two switch bodies?" Iona joined them at the bedside, sword loosely in hand. "That seems like a useless battle technique."

"That's the staff that never does the same thing twice." Mjoll supplied, and Merida glanced over to see her face twisted in a scowl and aimed up at her.

By every Divine and Prince in the skies, this was confusing.

"Never does the same thing twice _in a row_." She corrected absently, trying to reach out to the staff with a magic pulse and receiving a faint _thrum _in reply, though it felt vaguely like a distant laugh rather than compliance. "I've seen it do the same things several times, ye never forget watching a dragon turn into a chicken."

Iona planted the tip of her sword in the floor with a 'thunk', and rubbed at her eyes. "I thought the effects were always temporary, shouldn't you just switch back in a bit?"

"Normally, yes," Merida swiveled to drop heavily on the bed, Wabbijack in her lap. "but we've bin' sleeping like this for who knows how long. I didn'a wake up when we switched, I know that for sure, I'dve felt the lingering magic, even in this body. No offence love." She cast the last remark to Mjoll who shrugged and pulled the tunic closer. "We've probably bin' like this for a few hours already, and if we haven't changed back by now…" she looked up to the grim faces above her. "it's probably not gonna happen on it's own, we're gonna have'ta go to the collage."

Mjoll sighed. "You know what they're going to say first, oh wise arch mage?" she leaned close said in a near perfect imitation of Merida's accent and tone. "Don't hang yer staves above' ye bed."

Merida had opened her mouth to retort when-

"Mjoll? Are you home?" the muffled voice of Aerin filtered through the front door, accompanied by loud knocking. "One of the guards said he heard shouting, are you okay?"

Merida groaned and covered her eyes with one hand. "Oh and that's jus' what we need, the village stalker skulking at our door at'the crack'o dawn."

"He's not a stalker!" Mjoll protested in a low voice so as to keep it from carrying to the door. "He's just, a little slow sometimes, he means well."

"I had to threaten him with a restraining order to keep him from coming in the house at odd hours." Iona interjected flatly, "Sorry, Lady Mjoll, but I agree with Thane Merida, the man is unstable and strange."

"Hello?" his voice was louder this time, though he had mercifully stopped pounding on the door.

"Village Stalker, village idiot, it doesn't matter now," Merida dropped the staff back to the bed and moved over to Mjoll's dresser, staring hopelessly down at the complicated pile of orcish armor. "We've got to get' to the stables with'out runnin into anyone and get on the road. The sooner we get to the collage, the faster we can figure out a spell to get us back to normal."

"What about Aerin?" Mjoll protested.

"What about 'him?" Merida picked up the chest plate and examined it warily. How hard could it be to put on anyway? She'd seen Mjoll do it hundreds of times, and she'd become quite skilled at helping her 'out' of it when the mood struck.

"We can't just leave him at the front door with no answer!"

"Yes we can." She managed to pull the plate over her head and start with a few of the buckles without scratching herself on the sharp edges, then paused in mid though. "oh, no wait, we can't do that, ye right, he might pace a grove in the walkway or burn the door down. Iona," she commanded before Mjoll could say anything in defense of her strange 'best friend'. "Ye wait 'till me and Mjoll get out the back and then answer the door, like ye just got up right? And then tell him we left really early on an important quest, or some such."

"It will be done." Iona inclined her head slightly.

"Good, now the two of ye get over here and help me get this damned thing on, I dinno how you wear this everyday Mjoll."

What felt like _hours _later but was probably more like ten minutes, the two of them crept through the back door of Honeyside and into the dim grey dawn, Mjoll fidgeting uncomfortably with the arch mage robes and Wabbijack on her back, and Merida trying to figure out how to move around with the massive SpellBreaker on one arm and Grimsever on the other.

Just as they started creeping down the stairs, Merida heard the front door open, and Iona's best 'it's-to-early-for-this voice' say. "What do you want, Aerin?"

"Right, clear path to the stables and we're off on the road. Barring any need for real combat, in which case we're in trouble, we should be at the collage by sundown tomorrow."

Mjoll tugged at a loose strand of red hair and frowned up at her. "I think you're forgetting something."

"Now what?" she groaned, not sure of how much more nonsense she could take.

"Knowing how well Angus knows you, and how he doesn't let anyone else ride him. Which one of us is going to ride him?"

"Sheograth damn this whole stupide situation!"

"I'm pretty sure that's how we got in trouble in the first place."

"… Shut up love."

* * *

AN: Second Part of my 30 Day Femslash challenge, where I accept prompts both here on and at my Tumblr ' wolf-shadow . tumblr .com '. I'm not actually writing one story a day, that would leave them really short and unsatisfying, I'm gunning for 30 separate and new small fics done at least within the next six months.

M'kay, in case you haven't guessed yet, Merida the Breton Dragonborn is loosely based upon Merida the Dunbroch Princess from Disney Pixar's animated movie _Brave. _

Red hair, a runaway from Family and home, a quick witted archer, a black horse named Angus, and she has a Scottish accent, these are the traits Merida the Dragonborn shares with her namesake.

Things that are different: 1 Obviously she doesn't have _curly_ ginger hair –she would if they had a good option for that in Skyrim-, 2 she's a Breton and therefore a powerful mage (a true Merida would probably be a nord), and 3, she fell in love and Married Mjoll the Lioness (which I thought was a hilarious thing, given that the Young Macintosh from _Brave_ wears blue paint. No? Just me then? Okay…)

I don't think Merida's accent is too Lore Breaking, I mean, If Mjoll can have that Scandinavian accent, why can't I throw the fun Scottish one in there too?

So, can everyone understand Merida okay? I used a Wiki article to look up how to write in a Scottish accent, and threw in a couple of my own interpretations.

Lemme know if I need to clear things up, or at least write up a translation.

AN2: Wow, if you get the chance, look up the different kinds of Scottish Accents, some of those phrasing are crazy weird.

In fact, here

wiki/Scottish_English

wiki/Wikipedia:Scots-English-Scots_dictionar

Enjoy.

AN3: Also, this fic is full of alliteration, which is super fun to do if written correctly.


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